I gotta be honest, I had no idea fetching coffee was this much fun:

One of Salma Hayek’s former assistants has broken the cardinal rule of ex-employees to the stars — she has praised the Mexican actress in a letter to style bible Vogue.

Elizabeth Bonfanti was so impressed with the star when she worked for her she decided to follow a Vogue article on the actress with a glowing tribute.

In her letter, Bonfanti writes, “As someone who has spent time with her on a personal and professional level, I just wanted to let people know that Salma is truly a woman we should all aspire to be like.

“She’s not only exquisite on the outside but a beautiful woman on the inside. … I consider myself lucky to have worked by her side, and I miss learning from her example.”

What a suck-up.

That’s right, Tom Cruise has managed to follow in JLo’s big-ass footsteps and carved a place for himself in the ever-expanding nerdy ‘Street’ lingo:

[C]ondos are to the real estate boom what Internet stocks were to the 1990s bull market. And like the Internet day-traders before them, the new condo flippers, with their talk of instant riches and easy money, are about to become the life of every cocktail party.

And why not? Condo prices have soared 80 percent in the past five years, making the same period’s 40 percent rise for single-family homes look almost pokey. Developers are constructing new condo units at nearly twice the pace they were in 1999, and investors are literally lining up to buy one, two, three or more. In Miami, as much as 75 percent of some condo towers are investor-owned.

No cash? No problem. Banks, with their loosened lending standards, no-money-down loans and teaser mortgage rates, are making it easier than ever to be a mogul-in-training. […]

Mix it all together — rising prices, record levels of construction, fast-and-loose mortgages and swelling ranks of new investors — and you get a market more volatile than Tom Cruise.

And a group of clueless investors dumber than Katie Holmes.

Man, I had no idea finance was this much fun!

Who knew Britney Spears’s head was bigger than her belly?

Ok, don’t answer that. It’s supposed to be a rhetorical question…

BRITNEY Spears stormed the set of little sister Jamie Lynn Spears‘ Nickelodeon show, “Zoey 101,” last week and screamed at a 13-year-old co-star who had been feuding with Jamie Lynn � leaving the traumatized tweenster in tears.

According to our on-set snitch: “Britney had the talent coordinator bring [co-star] Alexa Nikolas over to Jamie Lynn’s trailer � where she proceeded to scream that Alexa was an ‘evil little girl,’ and that she had better watch herself or she ‘will never work in this town again!’ “

Whoa! Did some washed up teen idol just try to channel Michael Ovitz?

First she got jacked by a panty sniffer and now she’s getting “congenial visits” from the delusional. It never gets boring to be Jennifer Aniston, does it?

Yeah, that’s what I thought:

A man who allegedly walked into Jennifer Aniston’s home and said he was looking for the actress was arrested Thursday for investigation of trespassing, the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said.

David Hesterbey, 48, of Santa Barbara was arrested by sheriff’s deputies who found him walking along the beach near Aniston’s home around noon, authorities said.

Sheriff’s Sgt. Ken Scheurn said two of Aniston’s employees told deputies a man walked into the actress’ home on the Pacific Coast Highway north of Los Angeles and told one of them he was “looking for Jennifer.”

When the second employee confronted the man, he became startled and fled the house, jumping a fence and running toward the beach, authorities said.

That’s what happens when you date Vince Vaughn… every moron thinks you’re an easy lay.

I can’t say I’m surprised. Last time I checked wearing a dress didn’t make you an expert on women’s issues:

Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson is the latest star to slam Tom Cruise’s attack on Brooke Shields for using medication to ease postpartum depression. […]

She says, “I think people have their own right to choose whether or not they want to stop taking a drug.

“I can go into a very lengthy conversation with anyone about a woman’s right to choose and things like that, but I don’t believe in forcing my opinion on people.

“I do believe that, in particular, children are over medicated. But I’ve also known people who’ve taken anti-depressants for a couple of months, and it saves them from what could really be a drastic situation.

“Ruling out something that could legitimately help people seems ignorant.”

I would have gone with my personal favorite: ‘dim-witted’, but I guess ‘ignorant’ works too.

And why wouldn’t he, these two sexy lovebirds were made for each other:

Keanu Reeves was reported last night to be embroiled in a romance with Diane Keaton, the actress who is nearly 20 years his senior.

Reeves, 40, was said to have dumped actress girlfriend Lynn Collins, 28, to date the 59-yearold Oscar winner.

Reeves met Miss Keaton when they appeared together in the 2003 comedy Something’s Gotta Give. He began dating Miss Collins three months ago after they met on the set of the forthcoming drama Il Mare.

A friend told the U.S. magazine Star that Reeves was ‘hit hard’ by turning 40 last year.

Breaking up with Miss Collins ‘kind of said goodbye to a way of living he’s outgrown’.

Whoa! This whole story sounds so farfetched… it has to be true. It just does. Right?

Anyone?

Hello?!

I don’t know about you, but I want whatever Jessica Simpson is smoking:

Jessica Simpson is desperate to hone her acting skills on the London stage - but will consider nothing less than a role in a William Shakespeare play.

The 25-year-old beauty, who plays sex-bomb Daisy Duke in the big screen version of The Dukes of Hazzard, now considers herself a seasoned actress and is convinced a classic production would finally eradicate her dumb blonde image.

Simpson says: “When I arrived in England the first thing I did was go straight to the Globe Theatre. For me that is the home of acting and writing.

“I have always loved Shakespeare. That’s the job I want - anything at the Globe.”

In related news, the Globe is currently casting the role of “Dumb Blonde” in a William Shakespeare play.

Hilary Duff seems pretty annoyed by all the attention that her new “Willy Wonka” veneers have generated:

Hilary Duff told Jane magazine she’s getting sick of people making comments about her pearly whites, saying she had veneers put in because poor health as a child created the weak teeth she’s been plagued with as an adult. “My teeth aren’t the strongest, and I kept chipping them on the microphone,” Duff told Jane magazine while explaining the dental procedure she underwent. “One show, I literally spit half of my two front teeth out.” Hilary didn’t stop there, however. The former queen of nice, who has been shopping for loft space in New York City’s Chelsea neighborhood, seems to have absorbed some Manhattan grit already. “Why is it people’s business?” the starlet asked about her toothy badmouthers.

D’uh! Because they’re so friggin funny.

Why not, you ask?

Because the guy’s armed and he’s itching to donate your balls to science:

Funnyman BILL MURRAY was so annoyed when a chatty crew member kept interrupting a crucial scene in his new film BROKEN FLOWERS, he threatened him with a knife.

Murray’s co-star PELL JAMES recalls the actor halting his flower shop scene with her and dashing off to confront the annoying chatterbox.

She says, “Bill Murray and I are doing the scene, and he’s like, ‘All right. Excuse me one moment.’ And he grabs this switchblade on the counter.

“I’m thinking, ‘Oh s**t, he’s improv-ing (sic)…’ Then he runs out the door, up the street, and then we hear him say, ‘If you don’t shut the f**k up, I’m gonna knife you.’

“Apparently some PA was gabbing away on his walkie-talkie. “Then Bill comes back in, casually puts down the knife, and says, ‘Where are those flowers?’”

Well, everybody in this town takes stabs at lowly PAs. Since when did this become news?

Yes, it appears Kate Moss has decided to move to Los Angeles to get away from her sweetheart crackhead:

IS Kate Moss moving to Los Angeles to get away from her crackhead boyfriend Pete Doherty? Our sources say Moss just plunked down $3 million on a condo in the tony Sierra Towers building on Doheny Drive. Her neighbors in the building are Lindsay Lohan, Matthew Perry and “Star Caps” diet guru Nikki Haskell. Moss last fled to L.A. two months ago when she and Doherty briefly broke up. They’re back together but friends and family have begged her to leave the crack cocaine and heroin user.

This begs the question, why on earth would you move to L.A. if you want to get away from crackheads??

I don’t get it.