Maybe it’s just me, but I’m starting to believe that the Brits are taking my cues.

I mean, they’ve obviously been working on their blind item skills:

WHICH Hollywood actor is having it away with his girlfriend’s brother?

He only started dating his lovely lady so no questions would be asked about his twice-weekly visits to his secret boyfriend. In return for silence the girl has been promised a “fast track” to A-list status.

I have no idea who this is, but it sure sounds interesting.

Jen’s not gonna like this, but it’s time to face the awful truth:

People dig Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt.

A lot!

These two are like cream butter on a sizzling steak.

…like French toast on a Sunday morning.

…like a Banana Berry smoothie on a hot summer day.

…like a– Well, I think you get the idea.

Brad and Angelina are the kryptonite of celebrity couples!

Congrats for a job well done.

P.S. It sure sucks to be Orlando and Kate.

I was convinced these two would be a winning combo.

I guess I was wrong.

*shrugs*

Better luck next time…

Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not Fergie; otherwise, this could have triggered a very messy day at the office:

Though traditional gossip rags have long been a staple of supermarket shelves, in recent months the Internet has blossomed with Web sites dedicated to tracking the stars. Though an exact count is hard to make, an online tour shows their growing popularity.

Want to know where Jennifer Garner shops for groceries? Check www.hollywoodrag.com. Wonder what Tara Reid looks like after a night on the town? Take a peek at www.celebrityscum.com. With names like Glitterati, Famed Trash and Junk Feud, blogs air juicy snippets of celebrity life such as the latest romance rumors and photos of the stars’ dirty laundry.

Yep, dirty laundry indeed.

But not by choice.

According to the big, bad and evil Hollywood studio marketing departments, James Woods is the enemy and as such has to be stereotyped mercilessly as - you guessed it - an asshole in a suit:

Woods’ distaste for the studio system that has left him without a great desire to work. Woods, who may have already mentioned that he isn’t a big liberal, has issues with the way most writers are choosing to represent his demographic these days.

“In this politically correct era, the middle-aged heterosexual white guy gets to play one part, he gets to play the asshole in the suit,” Woods grouses. “That’s the only part they make anymore. That’s the only part there is for a white heterosexual guy. Sorry, but it’s the truth. Even when he’s the hero now: Like Tom Cruise in ‘War of the Worlds,’ he’s the hero, right? Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise, H.G. Wells, how do you top that? They do a remarkable job of how the make the movie and so on, but he has to be a father who’s a lousy parent, a terrible ex-husband, blah blah blah.”

After the desire for oxygen temporarily kicks in: “You can’t be a heterosexual white guy and be a hero anymore. You’ve gotta be really flawed and really bad and a piece of crap. Otherwise, the marketing department says, ‘You can’t have white guys be decent people. They’re the enemy. They only put a man on the Moon and wrote ‘Hamlet.’ Why should we let them have any cred?’”

Because middle-aged heterosexual white guys need love, too?

Reason #57 why you shouldn’t use steroids: Your hot ex-wife will air your dirty laundry and hang your non-existent balls out the window like wind chimes:

JOSE Canseco said a lot about his steroid abuse in his best-selling autobiography, “Juiced.” But he left out the part about his shrunken testicles. His blond and buff ex-wife Jessica (above), who met the slugger on her third day waiting tables at Hooters in Cleveland, now reveals in Playboy: “Jose’s were non-existent. They’re not there… It wasn’t until we separated and I dated that I realized it… With other guys I was like, ‘Wow, those are some very large…’”

Sounds like “De-Juiced” would’ve been a more fitting title. Or how about the sporty “How I Hit Home Runs With No Balls”?

Matt LeBlanc seems pretty banged up about the fact that he almost banged a “sexually aggressive” stripper during a recent motorcycle trip in Canada.

Wait, or maybe it was the other way around:

“FRIENDS” star Matt LeBlanc spills his guts to this week’s National Enquirer about how he almost cheated on his wife with a naked stripper at an all-nude club in Victoria, British Columbia. LeBlanc’s strangely fascinating confession � headlined “My Wild Night With a Stripper” � features photos of the unshaven actor holding his head in apparent shame and somberly sitting at a table with Enquirer reporter Steve Dennis. LeBlanc tells the improbable tale of how he was mauled by the “sexually aggressive” stripper while partying at the nudie joint during a motorcycle trip with five buddies. “The stripper was all over me,” LeBlanc claims. “I was drinking, and she was crossing the line… She was in my face, pushing her breasts into me and grabbing my hands to go all over her body. She was telling me to caress her and in my head I’m thinking, ‘What’s going on?’ If I had been sober, perhaps I would have acted quicker, but I was pretty drunk… When I realized the situation that was unfolding I felt I was being careless and irresponsible, and I had to get the hell out of there… I could not wait to get home. The guys said a trap had been set for me and I fell right in it, and that’s why I feel stupid and careless now.”

And horny. Let’s not forget horny.

I had no idea Hugh Grant was such a funny chap. Turns out he’s like a British George Clooney or something - always up for a prank:

WE’VE always found Hugh Grant a right misery guts so we were amazed to discover he has got a sense of humour - even if it’s a sick one.

The Bridget Jones star says he cheered up his late mother by playing jokes on her when she was being treated in hospital for cancer.

His favourite trick was “secretly activating her hospital bed so that the head and legs both lifted to put her in a jack-knife position”, reports the New York Post.

Perhaps some grapes and a mag would have gone down better?

No, not really.

Kelly Carlson’s convinced that men only want one thing - to sexually violate her face.

Who can blame her with friends like these:

KELLY Carlson (above) got a bonus when she played a merchandising porn star on the second season of “Nip/Tuck” - a life-size sex doll exactly in her image. “She’s in my living room. I put pants and a sweater on her to make her a non-sexual being. I have to warn people about her, because she’s a little freaky,” comely Carlson tells Stuff magazine. “So many people have told me to sell her on eBay, but it freaks me out what people would do with her. She has my face, so I’m protective. I don’t want her to get sexually violated.”

You just know those “friends” are trying desperately to get their… er… hands on that doll face: “Oh yeah, if I were you I would totally just get rid of that creepy thing and sell it on eBay. Umm, by the way, could you let me know when the auction starts?”

This twosome’s days in Hollywood frat boy heaven seem to be over for good:

Sounds like director Kevin Smith is feeling a tad snubbed by his old friend Ben Affleck.

At Monday night’s premiere of “Reel Paradise,” the documentary he produced about a movie maven who screens indie films for the residents of Fiji, Smith riffed on the fact that he wasn’t invited to Affleck’s hush-hush June Caribbean wedding to “Alias” star Jennifer Garner.

“I was supposed to be a groomsman and reader at the [2004] Affleck and [Jennifer] Lopez wedding,” said the director of “Jersey Girl,” Affleck’s catastrophic big-screen pairing with J.Lo., the other Jennifer. “I figure Garner saw me as the curse that jinxed it, and thought, best to keep me as far away from them as possible.”

But is he going to get the newlyweds a wedding present anyway?

Apparently not.

“I’m gonna [have sex with] my wife to celebrate their marriage,” he said. “If it would make her feel better, she can call me Ben and I can call her Jen.” (As if this fantasy couldn’t be any weirder, Smith’s wife is also named Jennifer.)

Smith couldn’t resist elaborating: “It would be the most fictional role-playing ever. I’m no Affleck, which is bad in the bedroom, but good professionally. It’s good not to be Ben Affleck professionally, because then I don’t have to explain ‘Gigli’” � another Affleck bomb co-starring J.Lo. � “for the next ten years.”

Not that he’s bitter or anything.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is the escort escorted her out of the VIP room:

RACHEL Hunter was escorted out of a VIP room at the Oakley/Blender X-Games party at the Key Club in Hollywood the other night after she was caught eating the spicy chicken wings set aside for rap duo the Ying Yang Twins, the night’s special performers. Club staffers who went backstage to check that the group’s catering demands had been met found Rod Stewart’s sexy ex and four girlfriends helping themselves to the Twins’ wings and booze. After an indignant Hunter and her posse were shooed away, the club placed an emergency order for more “spicy chicken wings” before the rappers finished their set.

I love the faint irony that they “shooed away” the pigeons to save the spicy chicken.