Finally, Paula Abdul has been “cleared of all allegations”.

Maestro, let the show begin:

SATURDAY’s news brought news that Paula Abdul, after a 600-hour, 31/2-month, 45-person investigation, was cleared of allegations she diddled with that little piggy who went to market Corey Clark.

Umm, judging by the look on her face it appears Paula’s been working up a healthy appetite…

Mommy, that horny woman scares me.

First she ended her TV show. Then her marriage. And now she’s determined to end what’s left of her fizzling career:

According to Sky News, the cast of the smash-sitcom [Friends] are being roped into a tell-all retrospective doco on the hit series. Everyone but Jennifer Aniston has agreed to do it.

A scooper tells the site, “All the cast members are up for a documentary based on the show which would have featured exclusive interviews with the cast � all except Jennifer Aniston. Rumour is she is still too distraught about the split from hubby Brad Pitt while others cite the fact that she wants to move away from her Rachel image for good.

Umm, okay, I think Jen doesn’t really understand how popular ‘Friends’ is. I mean, how do you move away from an image that is part of a show that is on TV every friggin’ day?!

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie will be back for another season of the “Simple Life”, because FOX TV owns their souls:

“We’re not definitive with what direction we want to take that show, but we feel that there’s got to be something there given the fact that both Paris and Nicole are engaged and about to be married,” Ligouri says. Rumors of a wedding-themed “Simple Life” have been swirling since Hilton became engaged to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis; Richie is engaged to DJ Adam Goldstein (aka DJ AM).

Hilton and Richie had a falling out this spring, and although details remain sketchy (”Nicole knows what she did,” Hilton said at the time), there apparently hasn’t been any reconciliation.

Catfights in a wedding dress… It don’t get classier than that. I’ve got my TiVo already set.