Who would have thought, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are getting ready to fling some serious shit against the proverbial fan:

Recently a British tabloid claimed that 1) there’s a tape of an incendiary phone conversation between the ex-Beatle and his daughter, fashion designer Stella McCartney; 2) the recording had fallen into Heather’s hands; 3) Stella says very nasty things about Heather; and 4) Heather thereafter confronted Sir Paul.

Reps for Paul and Heather had no comment, and Stella’s rep did not return calls. […]

“It’s taken a turn for the worse,” says another close source. “Heather can be explosive, but Paul has a furious temper too. There are a lot more punches to come before the blood is on the mat.”

Yay!

[Source: People]

Hilary Swank and husband Chad Lowe are divorcing, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

“Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have jointly decided to divorce,” the couple’s lawyer, Jeffrey A. Bernstein, tells PEOPLE. “They continue to be friends and have the utmost respect for one another.”

Well, let’s just hope this doesn’t turn into the next “Charlie & Denise” show. I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of crazy commitment…

BRAD Pitt (above) fired a pregnant employee from his production company because she dared speak out on behalf of his estranged wife, Jennifer Aniston. Pitt, 41, was furious that Aniston’s pal Kristin Hahn - an exec with Plan B (the film company he and Aniston, 36, founded in 2002) � told Vanity Fair it would be “beyond painful” for the actress to see Pitt and girlfriend Angelina Jolie, 30, have a baby together. An Us Weekly source claims Pitt “screamed” at Hahn, claiming she violated her contract by speaking about him without his approval - although Aniston had given hers. Hahn claims the departure was “amicable.”

Pissing off your boss is always a bad career move. Or so I’ve heard.

Bridget Jones is untying the knot. Renee Zellweger, who played the lovelorn Brit in “Bridget Jones’s Diary,” and country music star Kenny Chesney will have their four-month-old marriage annulled, Chesney’s publicist, Holly Gleason, and Zellweger’s Los Angeles-based publicist Nanci Ryder, confirmed to The Associated Press on Thursday.In court papers filed Wednesday, Zellweger listed “fraud” as the reason for the breakup but did not elaborate.

A phone call to her attorney was not immediately returned, nor was a call to Gleason later in the day regarding the fraud claim.

I think someone spent their honeymoon digging in the closet… and got lucky.

Could this be the reason why all transvestite prostitutes on Hollywood Blvd. sing “I Will Survive”:

Actor Eddie Murphy’s wife of 12 years, Nicole, filed for divorce from the star on Friday, his publicist said.

No further details were disclosed. Murphy, 44, issued a statement saying, “The welfare of our children is our main concern, and their best interests are our first priority.”

The “Saturday Night Live” alumnus and star of such films as “Beverly Hills Cop” and remakes of “Dr. Dolittle” and “The Nutty Professor” has five children with the former Nicole Mitchell, a model, whom he married in March 1993.

Ouch! 12 years and five children… This is gonna hurt.

Eddie, you’re complementary ‘Preparation H’ is already in the mail.

Does this scripted denial remind you of somebody?

Nick Lachey and Kelly Ripa took a broom to some rumors as they co-hosted the syndicated TV show “Live With Regis and Kelly.” Lachey denied reports that his marriage to Jessica Simpson is on the rocks, and Ripa said her co-host, Regis Philbin, isn’t getting the boot from the daytime talk show.

On Wednesday’s show, Lachey said everything is “absolutely wonderful” between him and Simpson, who co-stars in “The Dukes of Hazzard” film. The 31-year-old singer also denied being jealous of her career being hotter than his.

When I close my eyes, he sounds just like Scott Foley… right before he got the boot.

I can’t say I’m all that suprised to hear that this may very well be the real thing:

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Mr. and who-knows-how-long Mrs. Lachey have recently not spent all their time denying she’ll take the high road and he’ll take the low road. Some of this time has been spent divvying up assets. […]

TV shows and magazines called to get more since nobody was saying anything. I wouldn’t offer more. All I’m saying today is, that as of this minute � late Tuesday � I have heard no shriek. Nobody complaining I’m a dumb, stupid, imbecilic idiot jerk who doesn’t know what I’m slobbering about. In fact, there are small, tiny little reports flickering out that they are confirming a divorce settlement has been, in fact, “executed.”

I hate to say “I told you so”, but let’s face it, I don’t get to talk nearly enough.

*does the robot*

38% of you were wrong, wrong, wrong!

I guess there’s only space for one in the General Lee on the winding road to stardom.

No C-list celebrity hitchhikers husbands allowed.

Yeah, I think that pretty much captures the gist of Vanity Fair’s upcoming Jennifer Aniston interview:

Aniston’s pals say Pitt checked out of the marriage as soon as he met Jolie on the set of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith.” They note that he even failed to make the taping of her final episode of “Friends.” When she reached out for her husband’s support, she says, “He just wasn’t there for me.”

Does Aniston buy his claim that he didn’t cheat on her before they separated?

“I choose to believe my husband,” says Aniston, who nevertheless was hurt by that W magazine portfolio of Pitt and Jolie playing husband and wife.

“There’s a sensitivity chip that’s missing [in him],” she says. “I can … imagine Brad having absolutely no clue why people would be appalled by it.”

… and his new blond dye job:

“Billy Idol called,” she says. “He wants his look back.”

Touch�.

Just when I was ready to give up all hope, a glimmer of good fortune rounds the corner.

That’s right. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey may have finally done signed the dirty deed:

This seemingly informed bunch says these beauties have, in fact, already hired divorce lawyers. They go so far as to say that, in fact, divorce papers were already drawn up. Wait. They go an inch further. Said big ears and big mouths actually said that the papers have, in fact, actually been signed. Signed!

I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that Jessica Simpson can actually write.

It’s probably just a passport photo of her nodding ‘yes’.

Brooke and her plastic surgeon/husband have called it quits.

I expect her calender sales to hit the roof within the next 30 minutes.

“We are saddened to announce that we have mutually decided to separate after seven years together. Although our careers have taken us in different directions the past few years, we have a great deal of respect for one another and remain committed to raising our two children together,” Burke and Fisher said in a statement issued to PEOPLE.

Different directions?? Really?

Dude, you’re a plastic surgeon who’s known for his tit-jobs and she’s a TV host known for her tits!

Why on earth would you even expect your careers to move into the same direction?! Am I missing something here?