Casanova star Sienna Miller has confirmed Jude Law is history.At the London premier of her new film, she was asked if she had any advice for single women on their own for Valentine’s Day.

“Just stay single. Stick together with your girlies,” reports Press Association.

… and gang up on unsuspecting, boyfriend-stealing nannies.

HOLLYWOOD megastar Tom Cruise is furious royal biographer Andrew Morton is using a gay porn actor to investigate his private life. […]Morton, who collaborated with Princess Diana to produce an account of her troubled life, is paying 58-year-old Paul Baressi to help him with his warts-and-all book about Cruise.

Baressi has starred in 25 gay porn films but now works as a private investigator in LA.

“I am a key source of information regarding several things,” Baressi said.

Baressi claims to have provided Morton with documentation regarding a bizarre episode in which Cruise, 43, was falsely accused of having a homosexual encounter while shooting the film Eyes Wide Shut in the UK.

Yesterday Cruise’s lawyer Bert Fields said the actor would sue Morton and New York-based publishers St Martin’s Press if they used the letter he wrote in response to try to cast aspersions on Cruise’s sexuality.

“I wrote a letter to Mr Morton back in November and said he obviously was entitled to write the book but ‘make sure you check your facts’,” Mr Fields said. “If he tries to use my letter to create the impression that Mr Cruise did have a gay affair, we will certainly sue … because the story is false.

“Mr Cruise is not gay.”

There you go. The man ain’t gay. His lawyer said so.

Okay people, brace yourselves! I think we are looking at the first strike (or is it ‘bang’?) of another Paris Hilton sex-tape scandal publicity orgy.

Ummm, at least that’s what my online-german-translator tells me. I think.

It appears, according to this German paper, Paris Hilton is currently busy trying to perfect the dictionary definition of “vengeful bitch” by lusciously leaking disturbing pics of her “I-did-Val-Kilmer-because-he-said-I-was-famous-for nothing” phase.

Well Val, looks to me like she’s famous for being a little vengeful.

But then again, I could be wrong…

Sesame Street has been hit by a crime wave.The body of a female jogger was found Tuesday on property belonging to actor Carroll Spinney, who plays Big Bird on the long-running children’s series.

Social worker Judith Nilan was reported missing by her husband Monday after she failed to return from a run. On Tuesday, police discovered her body in a shed on Spinney’s property and proceeded to charge the actor’s caretaker, Scott Deojay, with kidnapping.[…]

Investigators linked Deojay to Nilan’s death after discovering the jogger’s headband near a bloody receipt signed by the caretaker after purchasing items for Spinney.

There were skid marks near the headband and a bloody trail led to the shed, where Nilan’s body was found tied up, her jogging pants pulled down and her head bloody where she appeared to have been beaten.

Police said the caretaker claimed he hit the woman with his car accidentally, then panicked. He claimed to have dragged her into his car, driven her to Spinney’s property, tied her up in order to pull her into the shed, where he deposited her body.

Sounds like a case that needs to be filed under: “What-A-Psycho?”.

Weezer lead singer Rivers Cuomo is continuing his celibacy past his self-declared deadline.The 35-year-old frontman earlier vowed to remain celibate for two years. Although that deadline expired six months ago, Cuomo still doesn’t expect to jump back in the sack anytime soon.

“It’s been two and a-half years now, actually,” Cuomo tells Blender magazine in its new issue, on newsstands Tuesday. “The vow is over, but I wanted to keep cruising.”

Umm, he wants to “keep cruising”… Really?? Me think someone’s got his lingo a little mixed up.

Who would have thought, Matt gives Project: “Marriage” a greenlight:

Matt Damon and his girlfriend of two years, Luciana Bozan, were married Friday morning in a private ceremony in Manhattan, his publicist confirms to PEOPLE.

This marks the first marriage for the 34-year-old Bourne Identity star. The Argentine-born Bozan, 29, a former bartender who is now an interior designer, has a 7-year-old daughter, Alexia, from a previous relationship.

Well, I guess that’s one way of avoiding diaper patrol Umm, okay, I’ve been informed that Luciana is three months pregnant. My bad. I really got some catching up to do…

Sienna Miller took love cheat Jude Law back only after he agreed to six ‘commandments’ about his future behaviour, it was revealed yesterday.The actress’s list of stringent conditions include the movie star staying faithful, controlling his temper and not asking her to marry him.

Miss Miller has also made Law list every person he has ever slept with.

She was furious when it was reported at the weekend that he once had a three-in-a-bed session with his ex-wife Sadie Frost and Kate Moss - because the model was not on his list. But he has denied he slept with her. […]

“Sienna believes in monogamy and will not stand for him cheating. And she has told him that he has to control his temper as he often used to shout at her and she will not take it any more.”

However, observers are already speculating that the agreement will never work. “Everyone is joking that she has written her commandments down on a scroll,’ said the source.

“But really Jude will never be able to fulfil these conditions, as they mean him totally changing his character.

What character? Did I miss something?

BRAD Pitt (above) fired a pregnant employee from his production company because she dared speak out on behalf of his estranged wife, Jennifer Aniston. Pitt, 41, was furious that Aniston’s pal Kristin Hahn - an exec with Plan B (the film company he and Aniston, 36, founded in 2002) � told Vanity Fair it would be “beyond painful” for the actress to see Pitt and girlfriend Angelina Jolie, 30, have a baby together. An Us Weekly source claims Pitt “screamed” at Hahn, claiming she violated her contract by speaking about him without his approval - although Aniston had given hers. Hahn claims the departure was “amicable.”

Pissing off your boss is always a bad career move. Or so I’ve heard.

SIR PAUL McCARTNEY can’t stand the music of MADONNA and ROBBIE WILLIAMS, despite respecting the artists as nice people.The former BEATLE shared the stage with the MATERIAL GIRL and ex-TAKE THAT hunk at the London Live 8 earlier this year (02JUL05).

After Williams’ song ANGELS was named Best Song of the past 25 years at February’s (05) Brit Awards, McCartney says, “I wasn’t that convinced by Angels winning the best song of the last 25 years.

“I think for an ex-boy group person, he’s done well. He makes pretty good records for his audience. But I’m not a Robbie fan.”

Despite admitting he has met Madonna several times, McCartney’s is far from enamoured with her music, saying, “I’ve met her and she’s a pretty cool person, but her records have never really turned me on.”

Didn’t turn him on?? Geez, what the heck is he doing while listening to music??

Fashion guru Valentino Garavani has launched a scathing attack on socialite Paris Hilton, labeling the hotel heiress “vulgar” and “not even pretty.”The Italian fashion designer “shuddered” when New Yorker magazine reporter Michael Specter suggested Hilton may wear a Valentino dress for her forthcoming marriage to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis.

Valentino, 72, scathes, “No, I don’t like her. She is marrying the son of a friend of mine. They have billions.

“She is vulgar, and she is not even pretty.

“The Hiltons, they have nothing.”

I think they have lots of unresolved issues. Well, and ugly, vulgar daughters…

You really don’t need much else beyond that.