DEFIANT Russell Crowe is threatening to quit Hollywood over his phone rage court case.And the Gladiator star, whose trial for assault was adjourned yesterday until November, has vowed not to curb his explosive temper.

If he is convicted for throwing a phone at a New York hotel worker he faces up to seven years in jail and could be barred from working in the US. Even if he is found guilty of a less serious offence, he will face visa problems. But Crowe, 41, said: “Maybe it’s better I don’t travel to America. Maybe it’s better I don’t work in the area of the business that attracts so many flies.

“You tell me to p*** off too many times and I probably will. I don’t mind shrinking my professional life.” […]

He said: “They all want me to be examined by psychologists. I come from a different culture. If I’ve got something on my mind, you’ll hear about it. Voila, mental anguish solved.”

Okay, forgive me if I’m a little slow, but where exactly does the whole “hurling-phones-at-people” fit in? Is it before he speaks his mind or after?

*ducks for cover*

But this being Hollywood and all, he probably never will:

It seems that Saw is turning into a horror for Cary Elwes‘ bank account.

The blood-soaked movie, which also starred Leigh Whannell, Danny Glover and Monica Potter, was made for just $1.2 million but grossed a whopping $102.9 million worldwide and has been a solid seller on DVD. Elwes says he’s gotten peanuts for his efforts while his costars have made millions, and he’s taken his beef to the courts. […]

Elwes claims he was promised “favored nations” status among the cast and was guaranteed at least 1 percent of the producers’ net profits. He also alleges that, during a September 2004 press junket for the film, producer Mark Burg told Elwes he “would make more money [on Saw] than he had ever made before.”

Alas, he has not. Elwes says he only received a salary of $2,587.20 for his work on the film followed by a $53,275 bonus. […]

The suit claims that Glover is getting 2 percent of gross profits, while Potter has banked more than $250,000 in additional compensation.

Lawyers for the defendants aren’t buying Elwes’ argument. Attorney Martin D. Singer told the Los Angeles Times that the suit “clearly has no merit” and points out that Elwes was never forced to make the movie.

Another actor gets to ride the Hollywood “net profit” donkey.

Giddy up, Cary!

There’s nothing like quitting your job and taking off on your private yacht for a well-deserved vacation with your supermodel wife and little son:

A relaxed-looking Lachlan Murdoch jetted into Sydney yesterday morning, ready to make the city his home.

Tanned and tubby, the former News Corp executive appears to have enjoyed swapping designer suits for more casual clobber. […]

His wife, Sarah, and eight-month-old son, Kalan, were not on the 7am flight from Tahiti yesterday. The family has been holidaying in Tahiti aboard their yacht. But Mrs Murdoch, a former model, is also expected home this weekend.

Mr Murdoch was met at the airport by a bodyguard and would not be drawn on his future business plans. “There’s nothing that I really want to go into, but it’s good to be off the plane,” he said. “I’m gonna have some breakfast and then have a kip.”

Reports have suggested that the abrupt departure has put the Murdoch dynasty into a spin. But the one-time heir apparent will continue as a board director and a company consultant.

Insider reports have also revealed a frayed relationship between the young-gun son and the father who refuses to retire.

Let the old man work if he enjoys it so much. Its not like he’s hurting anyone.

But not by choice.

According to the big, bad and evil Hollywood studio marketing departments, James Woods is the enemy and as such has to be stereotyped mercilessly as - you guessed it - an asshole in a suit:

Woods’ distaste for the studio system that has left him without a great desire to work. Woods, who may have already mentioned that he isn’t a big liberal, has issues with the way most writers are choosing to represent his demographic these days.

“In this politically correct era, the middle-aged heterosexual white guy gets to play one part, he gets to play the asshole in the suit,” Woods grouses. “That’s the only part they make anymore. That’s the only part there is for a white heterosexual guy. Sorry, but it’s the truth. Even when he’s the hero now: Like Tom Cruise in ‘War of the Worlds,’ he’s the hero, right? Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise, H.G. Wells, how do you top that? They do a remarkable job of how the make the movie and so on, but he has to be a father who’s a lousy parent, a terrible ex-husband, blah blah blah.”

After the desire for oxygen temporarily kicks in: “You can’t be a heterosexual white guy and be a hero anymore. You’ve gotta be really flawed and really bad and a piece of crap. Otherwise, the marketing department says, ‘You can’t have white guys be decent people. They’re the enemy. They only put a man on the Moon and wrote ‘Hamlet.’ Why should we let them have any cred?’”

Because middle-aged heterosexual white guys need love, too?

If you’re anything like me, you too have spent the last five nights lying wide-awake in a puddle of cold sweat trying to crack the riddle of Lachlan’s abrupt departure.

Well, get ready for a good night’s sleep as I present to you the detailed recount of a heart-broken Lachlan in all its unfiltered tenderness:

Last Friday, July 29, shortly after his sudden abdication as the designated crown prince of News Corp., Lachlan Murdoch went to lunch at Da Silvano. The 33-year-old bluff and hardy publisher and News Corp. executive came in at around 1 p.m. with a group of about eight people, according to one eyewitness.

He stayed for five and a half hours.

“They started with�they all ordered Italian beers, Peroni Nastro Azzurro, the best line of Peroni,” the eyewitness said. Then came multiple bottles of Lupicaia wine, and cold cuts, truffled burrata cheese, stuffed zucchini blossoms, branzino, homemade pasta with more truffles. Lachlan Murdoch’s wife, bra and swimsuit model Sarah O’Hare, stopped by, bringing their infant son, Kalan.

By the last half hour of the meal, the bare-knuckled young publisher of the New York Post was in tears. “He was like, sort of crying on an elder gentleman at the table,” the eyewitness said. “It seemed to me like a very tender moment.”

Who could blame him?

I think that’s a rhetorical question.

Right?

I pity the fool who steps on Sony’s block and tries to lure their prized sequel hoes away with claims of ownership:

A film company wants a federal court to declare it can make a movie based on the character of “Zorro” despite objections by Sony Pictures Entertainment, the movie studio behind the 1998 film “The Mask of Zorro.” […]

In the complaint, Sobini claims that in 2000 it acquired the rights to the 1919 Johnston McCulley book “The Curse of Capistrano,” in which the swashbuckling masked avenger made his debut, and is entitled to produce “Zorro 2110,” a futuristic spin on “Zorro.”

The lawsuit comes in response to a cease-and-desist letter from Sony Pictures, asserting it owns the exclusive license to develop and distribute all films and television programs based on “Zorro,” said attorney Bruce Isaacs, who is representing Sobini.

The Sony letter has made it difficult for the Sobini production to proceed, Isaacs said.

I’m no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure that’s the purpose of a ‘cease-and-desist’.

Yeah, what could have been the beginning of a new, ground-breaking trend to please the beloved moviegoing audience at large is, unfortunately, nothing more than a legal slap on the wrist for making up movie critics for crappy movies:

Sony Pictures Entertainment must pay $1.5 million to settle a class-action lawsuit accusing the studio of citing a fake movie critic in ads for several films.

Moviegoers who saw the films “Vertical Limit,” “A Knight’s Tale,” “The Animal,” “Hollow Man” or “The Patriot” during their original theater runs must file a claim to be eligible for a $5 per ticket reimbursement, lawyer Norman Blumenthal said Tuesday.

And please also note that if you’ve seen all five, Amy Pascal will add you to her Christmas list.

“PR 101″ taught me there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

My “Director’s Workshop” taught me there’s no such thing as a bad audition.

At least not if you’re the director:

JUDE Law’s jilted gal pal, Sienna Miller, will play Andy Warhol superstar Edie Sedgwick after all � but the director swears his change of heart had nothing to do with her newly enhanced press profile. Miller’s name and face have been everywhere since it was reported last month that Law had shagged his kids’ nanny. […]

Hickenlooper, who says Miller was able to have the part again after filming was pushed back, declares it’s “blatantly absurd to think that tabloid gossip had anything to do with it. We cast her the old-fashioned way, because she’s brilliantly talented.”

Mmm, the ‘old-fashioned way’…? You don’t say…

Could this be a not-so-veiled reference to the much-loved/well-traveled piece of legendary furniture known as the ‘casting couch’?

In this piece we get to take a look at Hollywood’s best-kept secret.

Okay, second best-kept secret:

Studios go to some lengths to keep this data discreet�each page is stamped “Strictly Confidential�Not For Further Distribution”�and, in the best Hollywood tradition of keeping audiences in the dark, the report is not made available to newspapers, industry newsletters, or Wall Street analysts.

Without such information, however, it is impossible to render an accurate picture of Hollywood. Consider how earlier this year entertainment journalists rattled on for months about a slump in the American box office�”Box Office Slump In Its 19th Week”�as if it were a sporting event in which the Hollywood studios couldn’t get winning hits. The story would have been different if they had seen the data on Page 16 in the 2005 Three Month Revenue Report. (Click here for that page.) Instead of a box-office decline, the studios actually took in more from the U.S. box office in the first quarter of 2005 ($870.2 million) than they did in the similar period of 2004 ($797.1 million). So even though the total audience at movie theaters declined during this period, this came mainly at the expense of independent, foreign, and documentary movies. For the Hollywood studios (and their subsidaries), in fact, there was no slump at all.

I gotta be honest, he lost me at ‘Wall Street analysts’.

I guess I should’ve finished that online degree…

It looks like the Mouse fold will have to learn the hard way that the German’s don’t like to be rushed while enjoying their beloved Lindsay Lohan movies at the local multiplex.

German exhibitors could stall Disney’s worldwide rollout of “Herbie Fully Loaded” if two of the territory’s leading multiplex operators carry through with threats made Monday to bump the Beetle-based family comedy off local screens.

At issue are BVI’s plans to speed up “Herbie’s” DVD release in Germany. Instead of the usual six-month window, BVI wants to get the family-friendly film on German store shelves in December to cash in on the Christmas market.

Sounds like we might have to ship more David Hasselhoff CDs over there to quell any potentially massive riots dead in their tracks.